I tried on both dresses. And I loved them. I knew my cousin would never let me borrow them and perhaps that's why I felt comfortable trying them on. Sure enough, I asked, and she said no. I took a random blouse and thought about the dress for the next day or so. I went to the store the next day and browsed skirts and blouses. I was drawn to the dresses and stared in awe. The saleslady talked me into trying it on. I put on the dress and admired myself in the mirror. I was about to take a picture of myself as the saleslady knocked on the dressing room door to check on me. I was brought back to reality. I changed back into my clothes and exited the dressing room. I really wanted to buy it but I don't think I'd feel comfortable wearing it. I've dressed in jeans, leggings, and capri's for so long that I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with how dramatically different I'd look.
I walked to my car and felt a small sense of loss. I got in the car, took a few deep breaths, and began crying. I've been incredibly immature for so long that I'm not sure I know how to not be. I spoke with a friend about this. Why do I let my mother's comments affect me so deeply? Why does her opinion matter? Its very sad. My mother is so miserable almost all the time. She puts on a facade of wealth and family; someone to be envied. She values the opinions of others over everything else. I need to let go. I want to wear a dress. And I want to not let my mother's opinion on the topic affect me.